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I don't know if it's just me, but everytime there is mass slaughter in a school setting, I feel fear. The likely possibility of this fear: I have spent the last 8 years of my life, full-time in a University setting and have very recently made the decision to spend another big chunk of my adult life in a High school setting. Doing what? Teaching.

Keeping up with the news, there are stories and Cho Seung-Hui displayed various signs and signals. This kid wore his sunglasses to class and took pictures with his cell phone. This kid wrote horror stories, was a loner and freaked out his teacher. This kid was troubled and now looking back, it was written all over him. This kid was obviously a killer.

Well then, if it's true that the truth revealed itself long before April 16 at Virginia Tech, then it must also be true that I have taught one or two killers in my time at the University. What about my student who too wore his sunglasses in class and filed down his fingernails like claws? This same student, who also worked alone, with one ipod bud plugged in one ear, wore a "I hate people T-Shirt" and told me repeatedly how much he hated the course. As well, I have had to tell him not just once, but a few times, to put his cell phone away, including this one time, when I busted him taking a picture of his coffee cup. Bonafide Weird-o. Sure it's true that he stressed me out and true, if he went on a killing spree, I could easily tell reporters how strange he was. I would easily speak into the microphones and recall story after story including the one where he told me he quit working at Thrifty's (a local grocery story adorned with smiley faces), because "...it wasn't all smiles". But is it true that he is a killer? Honestly, I dunno. All I know is, it's always easy to look back and read into the past. And fuck, I hope he's not a killer.

Being at the front of the classroom and behind the scenes marking assignments and tests, I do everything I can to be fair and mark accordingly. This in turn, often doesn't sit well with some students. Yes, I have failed students. And yes, in return, I have been yelled at and harassed by students. I have received emails, visits and comments given by some obviously very distraught individuals. Not to say that I have done everything "right", but I can tell you right now that I know most of the issues that unhappy students have, have nothing to do with my teaching style. I can tell that something else deep and ugly lurks. I can tell by the way they vent on me, let go on me, criticize me, and try to tear me down. A person who is healthy does not constantly throw themselves into attempted power struggles. They just don't. There is so much bullshit that goes on in the classroom, and I have my theories, but my ideas don't get me anywhere at the end of the day. I just have to accept my position and accept that sometimes a student projects onto me, issues and scenes from their past. My first focus is to help students accomplish their goals and happily, in most cases I have. But in some cases, it just doesn't work and I can't waste the energy getting caught up in power plays. I have had to just block it out and move on. I just have to assume and hope that there are no killers present in my student audience. In spite the fact that some of them act and demonstrate all of the "obvious" first signs.

I am in the same place at a scheduled, same time. My academic moves are highly predicable and essentially, I am the perfect target for someone who feels like going on a suicidal killing spree. In fact, so is every single person in a school setting. Everyone at school is a perfect target for uncontrollable rage. It used to be Post Offices and now its schools. Creepy. Also considering the fact that most criminals are followers rather than inventors, it is very likely we will experience many more of these mass murders. That sits so uncomfortably with me.

I'm very sorry to hear about the tragedy at Virginia Tech.